The world got its first glimpse of former US President Donald J. Trump since his impeachment last March. A small group of photographers happened upon him in Minsk, Belarus. During an impromptu Q&A session, Mr. Trump stated he “loved the Stalinist architecture” and “all the foxes around town”. Admittedly looking frail and deflated since his ouster from office, Mr. Trump also stated that “things were looking up, way up- so far up- I’m working with NASA to configured exactly how ‘up’ things are looking. Speaking of NASA, we need to deport Killary back to her home continent- and we are working on that at this very moment in time– a yuge committee to decide if we are going to send her to Africa- where Barry Osama Obama was born…”
When a young by-stander reminded the disgraced former 45th President that he was no longer involved in politics, Mr. Trump pointed at him and slurred, “You, sir, are fake news and you disgust me.” When asked the whereabouts of his wife, he stated, “Melody is doing great again! She’s upstairs, it will take another three weeks to reboot her.”
Mr. Trump, Melania, and daughter Ivanka all fled the United States after impeachment proceedings had been finalized seven months ago in a political meltdown dubbed by the Copenhagen press as “The American Spring”. All three were famously filmed on Facebook Live Stream packing travelers cheques, rubies, and prescription medicine into extremely large bags simply labeled ‘$’. Ivanka Trump was seen earlier this month in Sicily, with a tight tank-top that read “I right-swiped on Putin”.
When asked his immediate plans, Mr. Trump rambled on about “some very important research on behalf of the Balkans, possibly- but not guaranteed assistance to the Koreans- or as the lying press likes to call them- the vikings of the Arabian panhandle- very disrespectful, these press guys, yknow- I used to love them, yes, I loved them all before they got ugly and low IQ…now if you’ll excuse me, I have to receive a very special letter from the Pope regarding Kathy Griffin- John Paul is always writing me for advice, I’m telling you.”
President Zuckerberg responded to news of Trump’s resurfacing with a one-word Tweet: #SCUMBAG.
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